You know those moments when you catch yourself judging someone for every little thing they do? It happens to the best of us. But I think it’s important to stop and ask ourselves: why do I feel this way about this person? What’s really behind the gut reaction that tells me everything they do is wrong? Seriously, take a moment to question yourself. 

Here’s the thing: when you don’t like someone, it’s like you put on blinders. All you can see are their flaws, and you completely miss any good they might be doing. This concept isn’t just some random idea; it’s actually supported by psychology. There’s something known as the “negativity bias,” which suggests that negative experiences and judgments weigh more heavily on our perception than positive ones. So when you hold a negative view of someone, it often overshadows any redeeming qualities they might have. 

On the flip side, when you like and respect someone, it’s so much easier to overlook their missteps. You see their good side and think more positively; the negative stuff seems to fade into the background. This is similar to the "halo effect," where one positive trait makes us think better of someone overall. If they’re nice to us once, we might assume they’re always kind.  It’s pretty heart-wrenching, honestly. There are people out there who might hate you so much that they’re willing to destroy something you've cherished for years. It’s astonishing how quickly a negative image can form in someone’s mind—especially when that person has the respect of others. This lack of empathy is staggering. You wouldn't want to ruin someone’s image like that, right? But here's where the psychology really hits home: it’s often tied to our own insecurities. Sometimes, when we judge others harshly, it’s a projection of our own struggles and flaws. If we feel inadequate, we might try to knock others down a peg, rather than facing our issues head-on. 

Just think about it: everyone has their own struggles and their own stories. One classic example is the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to overemphasize someone's character while underestimating the situation they are in. If someone is late to a meeting, we might see them as irresponsible without considering that they might’ve had a family emergency. When we judge without understanding, we completely dismiss their experiences. If we actually cared, even a little bit, about someone who is important in our lives, wouldn’t we at least try to respect their privacy? So the next time you find yourself judging someone harshly, take a breath and really think about why you’re feeling that way. You might be surprised at what you discover. Compassion and understanding can go a long way in transforming our relationships—and in helping us grow as individuals. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and a little empathy can make a world of difference.  

Constantina Constantinou